Not "Just" a Sub

Here we are, at the start of another school year, and I'm facing the same question I do every year: "So, have you found a job yet, or are you still subbing?"

It's a reasonable question, I suppose, but after hearing it more times than I can count, it feels a lot different.  It feels more like, "Are you successful yet??"

And that is the heart of what I struggle with most about my current profession.  Both within the teaching realm, and without, substitute teaching is often thought of as the lesser position.  "Have you found a job yet, or are you still subbing?" Because we know subbing isn't a real job.

And if I'm being honest, I've felt that way before.  When I started out as a licensed teacher in the Fall of 2006, subbing was decidedly NOT what I wanted to do.  I was pretty much convinced that I'd graduate, get a job and then I'd be set!  In 2006, the teaching profession hadn't experienced the decline in jobs and resources that it did just a few years later.  There were teaching jobs to be found!  And I was pretty convinced I would get one.  After all, I wanted to return to my small hometown.  I knew the schools (I'd volunteered in them), I knew the entire interview committee.  They all knew my parents - respected teachers who had worked in the district for 30 years each.  It was a given that they would give me one of the 4 open positions I applied for.  A given.

Except it wasn't.  They chose other applicants and I was devastated.  But it was OK, I'd sub for the year, and then they'd really know me and I'd get hired the next year.  I didn't love subbing, but I survived.  Occasionally enjoyed it, but was so ready to be done!  I applied for jobs again, interviewed again, with people I not only knew, but had worked with as a sub.  This time I was IN!

But then came the crushing blow that I was not.  Again.

So I weighed my options and decided that I didn't want to limit myself to this small district that seemed set in their decision to not give me a chance.  I moved to Salem - a district with no fewer than 45 elementary schools.  And I subbed again.  I went all over town to nearly every school in town.  I started to get to know people, but then came the budget cuts, and there were no jobs to be found.

And so for the next few years I subbed, and applied to whatever jobs that appeared, but didn't get called to interview for any.

Things have started to turn around slowly for schools, and jobs are becoming available again.  I've applied to some, but have found myself not nearly as disappointed to be turned down.

Why?

A question that has plagued me for the past year.

Why am I relived?  Do I WANT to still be subbing?  Do I?

But if I do want to sub, what does that say about me?  Do I have no ambition?  Am I not capable?  Because as I've heard the question so many times - "Have you found a job yet, or are you still subbing? - I've let the thought creep in - subbing is not as important.  It is not as valid.  It is not a "real job".

How can I admit to having this fake, illegitimate teaching job?  How can I admit to choosing it?

But you see, those thoughts are wrong!  And I know it.

Subbing is one of the hardest things I've ever done.  I walk into a classroom everyday not knowing what lessons I'll be teaching, not knowing what duties will be expected of me, not knowing what students await.  I sometimes have as little as 5 minutes to read a teacher's lesson plans and make sure I know where everything is and how to teach it - if I 'm lucky enough to have plans at all!  How's that for terrifying? Here are 30 students whose names you don't know, and you don't know what they've already done, and you don't know when they have P.E. or lunch and good luck keeping them engaged for the next 6.5 hours!  Sometimes, students are hostile.  Sometimes they are just loud!  Sometimes, they don't understand the task they are supposed to be doing and you end up teaching something else entirely.  I have to fake confidence, because if they sense that I'm not in control, it's all over.  I have to learn 30 names in a couple hours.  I have to make sure the students learn what they're supposed to, make sure they arrive to places on time, keep them under control, and solve any number of emotional, relational problems that happen, and sometimes, I've never met these kids before.

Subbing is hard.  It is not a lesser job.  It not something I should feel embarrassed about.  And I've finally realized that.

Next month begins my 7th year as a substitute teacher, and you know what?  I'm proud to be a sub!  This year, I'm not apologizing or feeling ashamed of what I do.  When someone asks me "Have you found a job yet, or are you still subbing?"  I'm going to say with a smile, "I'm subbing!"  No apologies from me.  No shrug of the shoulders and sad expression for not doing what everyone thinks I should want to do.  I believe God has called me to sub, and I'm not sure for how long that will be, but I'm glad to be doing it.  I no longer want, or need anyone's sympathy.  My job is valid, important, and needed.  And I'm good at it.  So I'm going to be the best sub there is.  Look out students, I'm coming back!  And teachers?  You know my number. :)

Stiches

Alright, I stink at updating this.  I have no motivation because I don't think anybody really reads it.  I feel a little bad that I haven't written down interesting things from the last year or so of subbing for myself though.

Regardless, today I had to write something because.... it happened again!

A student noticed something about my lip!

Every year since I came to Salem to substitute I've had at least one student think my lip was curious or odd.  I'm continually surprised by this because never ONCE while I was growing up did anyone comment on my lip.  Not in middle school.  Not in high school.  Not ever.  I'd never really thought about how my lip was a different shape than others'.  When I substituted in Astoria, no one ever said anything.  However, in Salem, it's noticed all the time!  What is it about my lip in this town?  I do not know.

Anyway, today in a fourth grade class who started the day out beautifully and deteriorated into chatty-chatty-chattiness(!) by the afternoon, one girl helped keep the tradition alive.  She and a couple other girls came up to the front to ask me a question as the class was cleaning up.  The girl asked me, "What happened to your lip?"  I replied with (the now traditional) answer of, "Nothing, that's just how my lip looks."  She then added, "It looks like you had to have stitches!"

Interesting.

And new.

At least my lip continues to challenge the "norm" for lips in Salem-Keizer.

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

Today I realized that I have a super power.  I am already crafting plans for my superhero costume.  Because you see, today I learned I have the power of listening to two stories at once.  (Come on, be impressed!)

This afternoon I was in a second grade class full of kiddos I knew from last year, and let me tell you, 7-year-olds can get excited!  I was instantly greeted by hugs and smiles and excited exclamations of one thing or another.  It took quite a while to get in the room and settled!  At one point, 2 kids started to tell me a story at the same time.  What's funny about kids is that they have absolutely no awareness of people around them!  So these two kids are literally standing right next to each other, and they pay not one lick of attention to the fact that this other kid is also blurting out a story.  Neither of them take a breath as they're regaling me with their tales, so I have no choice but to just nod along as I look back and forth between the two.  Surprisingly, as they finish, I realize that I actually know what both of them have told me!  So there you have it, my amazing super power at work!

Now help me think of a superhero name?

I Wish it Was Christmas

Well, I don't exactly, not yet at least.  Time goes by fast enough I don't really want to lose 2+ months of my life.  But one of my students today apparently does, as "I wish it was Christmas" was her comment to a friend when returning to the room from PE.

So!  It's been an age since I've written a blog.  It was around this time last year when I quit after being overwhelmed with the task of teaching full time (and planning!) as well as completing my master's degree.  Even when my long-term sub job was over and I completed my degree, I never did get back into the habit.  So here we go, I will try again. Today was actually my 9th day back to subbing, and perhaps I'll go back and write entries for those earlier dates, but let's fact it - that might not happen!  (Just being realistic here!)

Today though, today I can do.

I just worked the morning today for a 4th grade class which is team taught by two teachers.  I really only taught one subject and basically just facilitated the rest of the day.  I led this Interactive Read Aloud lesson based on the book A Drop of Water and the theme of interesting vocabulary.  Interactive Read Alouds come from a curriculum program that many (all?) of the schools in our district use.  The curriculum provides the book to read as well as questions to ask and have students discuss throughout.  They focus of each lesson varies, from genre, to predicting, to comparing/contrasting, to vocabulary, and on.  They are great to be left for a sub since they're already pretty well laid out in the curriculum and easy to follow.  Today's however had some of the more awkward questions of the ones I've seen/taught.  It was a lengthy book, and there were only a few specified places to stop and each time the question I was to pose to the students was odd.  I tried to think of a way to rephrase them, but it didn't seem to help.  To the students' credit - they made an effort to come up with answers even though we all knew we were grasping at straws.  At least we were able to agree and summarize the main point - the descriptive language of the book made it more interesting and helped you understand it more.  (Even if the language of the teacher edition was confusing! Ha!)

Other than that the student had Writer's Workshop time where I basically walk around and try to act like I know what their teacher's rules and expectations are.  I usually am a pretty good guess and the kids don't know I'm taking a stab in the dark! :)

We had a few extra minutes before recess because some students who were supposed to share something weren't ready.  Instead I showed them some of the word/picture puzzles I have in my bag.  For example, one has a big square with the word "think" next to it on the right.  It's supposed to represent the phrase "think outside the box."  I showed that to them as an example, and then flipped to a few others I thought they could get.  They liked that a lot, so I'll have to remember that for next time I go to their class.

As the final tidbit for today, as students were arriving this morning, many of them greeting me by name because I've subbed in their classes in previous years.  As one girl was coming in with her friend I heard her say, "That's Miss Barnes. She's the teacher who taught me how to do math."  Well - I did not know that!  Honestly, that's what I hope for most as a sub - that student will remember me not just because they think I'm nice, but that maybe, just maybe, I taught them something. :)

Celebrity

Alright, lets get back in the habit of writing these things!

Today I was at the school where I did my long-term job, only today I was in a 2nd grade class.  It's fun when I sub here for the 2nd or 3rd grades, because every time I do, I'm in the same hallway that the 1st grades classes are.  So when I stand outside the door of the room I'm in for the day and the students walk past on their way to their rooms a TON of them all wave and call out "Hi Miss Barnes!"  Some even run over to me to give me hugs. About half of the students say hi to me on their way by - I feel like a celebrity.  There's something amazing about being loved by little kids.  I think Charles Dickens sums it up: "I love little children, and it is not a slight thing when they, who are fresh from God, love us."

Anyway, my charges for the day were a bit chatty, and my biggest challenge was at times getting them to just stop talking and moving around for 10 seconds so I could give them a direction.  Other than that the day went pretty smoothly.  (Much better than my 5th grade trial of Wednesday - which I hope to write about soon and post date, so check later!)  At the end of the day we had a cupcake party for a girl whose birthday is in the summer.  This hyped the kids up so much I was very happy to send them home 30 minutes later! :)

Time Has Flown!

Guys!  It has been SO long!  Yes, I'm still subbing.  I've actually been fairly busy.  But since I was doing that long-term job until the end of January, and I was working on my Master's degree, I didn't really have time or feel inclined to write these blog posts, and then I just plain got out of the habit!  But I'm back now!  Here's a little of what's been happening:

I finished the first grade job at the end of January - making it four months that I had the position.  It was all kinds of stressful and challenging and fun and rewarding.  I worked with the most amazing team of teachers - I was just as sad to leave them as I was to leave my kiddos.  Both the first grade teachers were helpful and supportive all the time - they gave me ideas and advice and answered all my questions, and made me feel like I was doing stuff right.  My last three days at this job were spent team teaching with the returning teacher.  I planned the lessons and taught most of them while the regular teacher observed and assisted.  On the last day she took over some of the lessons and I assisted.  At the end of the day we had a party - the class had earned popcorn and a movie, and one student brought cookies for their birthday.  Then the principal arrived with cupcakes for the kids and flowers and a card for me.  Oh, and I gave the kids bookmarks that I'd made them.  Needless to say they were all very hyped up that afternoon.

The next week I went back to regular subbing.  I emailed all the teachers I'd written to earlier in the year to tell them I was available again.  I've since visited some of the classrooms, although I've only actually been to 7 different schools this year!

In other news - I completed my Master's degree on April 11th!  (Finally, no more homework!)  Then on April 12, my mom, aunt and I flew to Disneyland to celebrate.  Even though I missed out on a couple days of subbing, it was worth it!

I've been keeping a record of where I've gone each day, so I might (if I get really ambitious), go back and write blog posts that are more specific.  Check back and harass me if nothing ever appears!  Only 17 days of school left!

Days are Escaping Me!

Guys! I am way behind!

The last couple weeks have been madness! I promise to go back and write interesting factoids for you on the days I've skipped this weekend!

For now, here's a picture of today's project!